In March 2022 I spent five weeks traveling all across Canada on my way to run the Vancouver Marathon which was celebrating it’s 50th anniversary. As this was a journey of exploration and education, I took the opportunity to learn as much as I could from as many places and people I could visit. From local organic farmers and running groups to indigenous cultural heritage sites and museums. These are those stories that can wear on your heart for better or for worse.

Chapter One: The Genesis

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“Kyle McNair” the principle of Monseigneur de Laval Elementary School announced in front of the hundreds of students gathered in the gymnasium. It was June 1991 and I had just competed in the Track & Field city finals held at McMaster University in Hamilton. I enjoyed running and was good at it, meaning I could run fast. That year in particular was a good one in that I managed to place 2nd in both the 100m and 200m dash and so I was receiving my awards in front of the school. Feeling like an outcast for most of my life, I remember how nice it felt to be cheered, to be celebrated, to be accepted. My athletic career came to an end a few years later when I started high school. With a new found freedom and exposure to all kinds of arts, political views and dare I say, drugs and alcohol, those days were filled with anything but athletics. Except for the one year in 1997 when I joined the basketball team. I wasn’t good at it, I didn’t understand how to play the game but I loved to shoot the ball. So much so that Reggie Miller, the funny looking 6’7” shooting guard for the Indiana Pacers was my favourite player. Of course we all loved Michael Jordan, but Reggie could shoot. Just ask Spike Lee and the entire New York Knicks fanbase. During that time I also discovered and fell in love with video editing through making skateboarding videos with my friends and decided to dedicate the next 20 years of my life to that craft.

June 2nd, 2018 was the day before my 39th birthday. I remember this day clearly as it was the day I went for a run. My first run in many years and the start of a new chapter in my life. I had quit drinking alcohol about a year and half prior and was spending my after work time riding a spin bike, rather than going to a bar. I had gotten quite good at drinking as it had become a daily practice but after the sudden death of my father, I decided my current lifestyle of burgers, fries, late night pizza and beer was unsustainable. So in the last week of May as I was riding the bike and admiring the warm spring weather through the window of my 2nd floor back room, I thought to myself that I should be out there. A couple days later I bought a pair of running shoes and one day shy of 39 years old, I left my house and ran. It was a beautiful sunny day and I headed for the end of the street. I ran for ten minutes turned around and ran home. My lungs hurt as did my muscles but I noticed my head was clear. Like super clear. Blue sky without a cloud in sight clear. Not just during the run but for a period of time afterwards as well. Everything went away and I felt free. The rush of positive feelings and endorphins was immediate and I knew I wanted more so over the next couple years I participated in multiple running events ranging from 5km and 10km road races to 25km trail races. I felt great doing it, I was in the best shape of my life and I was part of an inclusive and encouraging community. Something I was lacking with my isolating indoor bike rides.

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The Marathon is generally the distance most people associate with running. 42.2km, which was extended from 40km during the 1908 Olympic games in London as the British Royal family requested the finish line be moved so the race would end in front of the royal box at the Olympic stadium. In 1921 the length of a marathon was formally standardized at 42.2km and hasn’t changed since. It wasn’t long after that fateful day in June, the day before my 39th birthday, that I set my eyes on the goal of running a marathon. I had registered for the Mississauga Marathon scheduled to take place in May 2020 and began training but the race was eventually cancelled due to Covid. I was determined to complete the goal while still in my 40th rotation around the sun so on Sunday May 31st, I planned a 12km loop that passed by my house, set up an aid station at the end of my driveway and headed out.

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By the end of 2021 I found myself in a precarious situation. I had been working freelance for a couple years and I was “in between jobs”. I find that people don’t respond favorably when you tell them you’re unemployed. But the truth of the matter was that I found myself with time on my hands and being the productive person that I am, my wheels started to turn. What if I took a road trip across the country on my way there? I thought. I’ve always dreamed of riding my motorcycle across Canada, maybe I could do that? I pondered. That’s pretty self indulgent though, isn’t it? Maybe I could turn this into something bigger like the year before? Bingo. Now I was getting somewhere and I was getting excited. Like really excited. I knew I didn’t want to ask people for money as I did that already and we were in tough times all around. Since the death of my Dad I had started looking at time being the most valuable commodity we have. No matter how hard we try, there will never be more of it and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Maybe instead of money I could ask people for their time? Would people be willing to donate their time to learn about some issues that speak to me? Again, my wheels started to turn. I started thinking about topics and causes that were important to me and that affect who I am on a personal level, such as health and nutrition, food insecurity and justice, sobriety and of course running and the running community. Perhaps I could raise awareness for those in some way? I’ve always been the kind of guy to seize the day which is why I knew the time to do this was now and I needed to do it big.

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Chapter Two: The Training

Accountability is scary and for that reason I’m not usually the kind of person to announce things before doing them. Having done some interesting and cool things in the past, such as competing in the World Beard and Moustache Championship or obtaining my Death Doula certification, I generally wait till afterwards to tell people. I find it takes a lot of pressure off that way and in the event things fall through, I don’t have to sheepishly explain to others what happened or what went wrong. But this is different, very different. If I was going to ask people for their time I wanted to include them on this adventure and I felt the best way to do that was to bring them along in real time. With that in mind I found platforms like Instagram and TikTok (@heartworntales) could accommodate this way of storytelling and so I started posting videos, photos and some writing to explain what my plans where and how I was hoping it would play out. It also meant that there was no turning back.

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Bowel movements are often a topic of conversation among runners. Yes that’s right, poop. In fact I’ve heard people say that you’re not a “real” runner until you’ve crapped your pants. All that jostling and movement can speed up the digestive process and as you’re muscles weaken, self control becomes less controllable. There’s actually a term called “Runner’s Trot” and this apparently affects over a third of all runners. Just ask Addi Zerrenner, a 25-year-old running coach who succumbed to the urge around the 11km mark of the 2019 California International Marathon or Olympic race walker Yohann Diniz who pooped his pants 45mins into his race and kept going for another 20 kilometres. I managed to avoid this situation until the fall of 2019 when I was out on a run and it hit me. It was immediate and terrifying, and as someone who has always avoided any bathroom talk this was more than embarrassing. Knowing that this has happened to some of the best runners around the world was somewhat comforting though.

After that initial experience it started to happen more frequently. It became less embarrassing for sure, but I started to get concerned. Surely the frequency wasn’t “normal”? When I started feeling these urges in other parts of my life I knew something more than running was going on. My doctor referred me to a specialist who performed a colonoscopy and I was then diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that causes inflammation and ulcers in the digestive tract. There’s a myriad of symptoms ranging from diarrhea, fatigue, weight loss, abdominal pain and rectal bleeding… just to name a few. The Gastroenterologist couldn’t tell me why this was happening or even what to do when a flare up happens other than suggesting I take some Probiotics. As my family has a history of auto-immune diseases, my mother struggles with Rheumatoid arthritis and my brother is a diabetic, I figured that played a big role. I started reading some books and medical journals, and found that stress can be a significant cause in initiating a flare so with this in mind, I cautiously started my training and documented my process hoping that it wouldn’t become too much of an obstacle.

January 16, 2022 - A much needed soak after a cold long run.

January 18, 2022 - Trudging through the snow.

January 20, 2022 - A pair of very cold hands.

January 23, 2022 - A frozen bathroom break selfie.

January 27, 2022 - 3 pairs of boots for 2 feet and 4 paws.

January 30, 2022 - A fresh pair of shoes for today’s run. The New Balance 1080 v9 has been a staple in my rotation for a while now.

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At this point in my professional career as a Video Editor I’ve worked on some pretty cool projects for some of the country’s biggest brands and award-winning campaigns, as well as projects for international recording artists like Motörhead and Rush. While I had been thinking about social issues and how I could raise awareness for them, it hit me. I make videos for a living, videos of all kinds and formats. Throughout my career short and long form documentaries have always been a passion of mine as real people in real places and situations excite me just as much as a candy store excites children. That’s it! I’ll make a series of videos along the way, talking to different people from all parts of the country. It seemed so simple at first, this is what I do. I began making a list of themes and topics I’d like to look into and explore with the main focus being on community. That would be the connecting thread. Having done some writing, directing and videography work in the past I knew I had the vision and skills to pull this off, but I had no idea of the scope to which this would ultimately become.

Often times in commercial post-production Editors tend to do a lot of the producing aspect themselves. Arranging the schedule to meet deadlines, contacting and coordinating suppliers to handle various aspects of the process like, visual effects, colour correction and audio mixing. We are very, very organized. We have to be when dealing with all those aspects in addition to going through hours and hours of footage and editing said footage within the tightest of deadlines. I once had someone tell me that when the whole world works in days and weeks, we work in minutes and hours. It’s a fast paced industry that requires confidence, creativity and the ability to communicate clearly and concisely. I knew I’d have to lean heavily on these skills if I wanted to accomplish what was soon becoming a very large and ambitious project.

Having constructed an edit suite in my home several years prior, I knew I had the equipment and resources to finish videos but I needed the necessary gear to capture the footage and sound required beforehand. No problem, I know about cameras and microphones, and then I remembered my motorcycle. Being the kind of person that enjoys a good challenge I found this added another layer of excitement. Now I needed the video and audio gear to be nimble enough to transport along with everything else. That being clothes, food & drink options and of course enough running shoes, shorts, tights, shirts, hats, gloves and jackets to train for and race a marathon.

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February 2, 2022 - A quiet and peaceful run through the falling snow.

February 11, 2022 - Rainy nights make for wet shoes and soaked feet.

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Chapter Three: The Tales

Producing a project of any size can be overwhelming at times and thankfully I have a lot of experience under my belt, whether it from my filmmaking career, beard competitions, Amazon adventures in South America, various art projects or even running. But it was taking me longer than I expected to research and reach out to people. Not surprising really but I did have a schedule and needed to be in Vancouver by a certain date so the pressure was starting. I was contacting people all across the country that were making a difference within their communities. This is what it was all about, using my voice as a content creator to amplify the great work others were doing. Reading blog posts, newspaper and magazine articles, scouring websites, watching TV and news segments was time consuming but as I wanted to start this project in my home town of Toronto and start it before I headed west, it seemed obvious who I should reach out to first and foremost.

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While coordinating, shooting and editing these episodic conversions I was also running roughly 100km a week with heavy running and strength training workouts included. This isn’t uncommon for serious amateur runners and in fact, I was more of a “middle of the pack” runner within my team. I had enlisted the help of a running coach in June 2019 and joined the Toronto based run club Pace & Mind, lead by National Marathon Champion Rejean Chiasson. He had coached me to my sub forty 10k and with his help I was hoping to run a 3hr 15mins marathon… or better. Of course all while riding my motorcycle across the country, contacting complete strangers, coordinating meetings and interviews, documenting real time with photos and videos, which also needed to be edited. I was starting to feel like I was in over my head and the stress was mounting, which also meant I was feeling a colitis flare up was imminent.

February 15, 2022 - Post run strength training.

February 23, 2022 - I’ve grown fond of audio books on my runs.

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Toronto is a really great city for running. In addition to the thousands of kilometers the city streets have to offer, there are paved trails including a 20km stretch along the waterfront and several off-road single track trails that pass through multiple ravines and valleys to make for some great urban trail runs. Enjoying all this is the various run groups and clubs that meet all over the city and promote inclusivity and running goals for all levels. Whether it’s BIPOC and LGBTQIA2S+ focused groups, neighborhood community crews or more serious performance based clubs, Toronto has it all. So when I was thinking about the scene as a whole and who was making difference within it, I knew I had to reach out to and learn more about Chix Run the 6ix, an inclusive community for ALL women runners in Canada & beyond.

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With my departure date quickly approaching I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement, fear, anxiety, pride, doubt, courage, humility… you name it, I was feeling it and it felt like I was feeling it all at the same time. All. The. Feels. I finished my planned schedule and for the most part had my accommodations booked. Supporting local and independent businesses is important to me and I wanted to do that as much as possible and that included where I would be staying throughout the country. I can’t begin to tell you how many Tripadvisor and Yelp reviews I read.

I’m not sure if it goes without saying but riding a motorcycle can be physically demanding on good days and with the most ideal weather conditions. The constant vibrations of the motor and the conditions of the road itself can result in a sore back, sore neck, sore butt, sore arms, sore fingers… basically a sore everything. I was in pretty good shape but did I have what it takes to ride for hours on end AND run for an additional couple hours upon arriving at my destinations? With my UC flare up I wasn’t eating as much as I normally did and therefor was not getting the nutrients I needed to keep me in optimal health for such an ambitious goal. Let’s also not forget that it was was March. March in Canada is an interesting month as it can go any which way on any given day and in fact there are five un-official seasons that happen between winter and spring. There’s fool’s spring, second winter, spring of deception, third winter and mud season which all happen over the span of four to six weeks. Having only ever been west of Ontario once before and having flown at the time, I had no idea what the weather conditions were like for rest of the country and what I was in for.

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When I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis I was fortunate to have been working freelance and mostly from my home office. The last thing I wanted to do was explain to people why I was rushing off to the washroom multiple times a day and in some case, for extended periods of time. This added an additional layer of stress to my days which thankfully was mitigated by working in the comfort of my own home, but it ultimately felt like an Ouroboros - the circular symbol that depicts a snake devouring its own tail. Stress was affecting my flare up and my flare up was causing more stress. As I was making a lot of progress with this project and the planning of a massive cross country road trip, my health was taking a hit. In my previous experiences flare ups evolve gradually, one day it’s cramping and loss of appetite, then the next day it’s increased trips to the bathroom, the following day it’s blood in my stool. As all these symptoms intersect it can wreck havoc on health, both physical and mental, and can become debilitating. There have been times where I’m not comfortable leaving my home for days on end as I have no control over when or how urgently I may need a toilet. Fortunately I wasn’t having to be anywhere in terms of work, but I was still training for a marathon which required the need to go out and run and the need to run long distances for several hours at a time.

March 1, 2002 - When running is not an option, keep up with strength training.

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On Wednesday March 16th it happened. Having trained and run multiple races over the previous few years and participating in all kinds of running events I had never given up on a run. I had scaled back and adjusted many workouts but had always finished them. Not once had I thrown my hands in the air and said out loud “fuck it”. Toronto has a decent amount of public washrooms and a number of them are conveniently located along the waterfront trail, which has been a saving grace for me on numerous occasions, but the Covid 19 pandemic changed this. Now the facilities that so many people depended on at all times of day were either closed or had limited hours of operation. I had left my apartment and within the first kilometer I needed a washroom, and needed one bad. As I reached the one closest to my home, a regular haunt of mine, my heart sank. Closed. I stood there frozen with every muscle in my body clenched and holding on for dear life. I couldn’t move forward no matter how much I wanted to and how much I tried. I just stood there and stared at the sign on the door for a few moments. I was defeated. Fuck it. I walked home with every fiber of my being focused on keep it together, literally. Feeling depressed, frustrated and angry I knew I had to move on from this as there was bigger issues at hand. Easier said than done.

A few days later and with feelings of hope I headed out again. I had resorted to avoiding food all together prior to running in order to dodge a shitty situation. Pun intended. Everything was going fine for the first 8km when the rumbling started. I had become quite familiar with all the public washrooms and porta potties along my usual running routes and knew there was one coming up soon. Crisis averted. But then about ten minutes later that all too familiar feeling was back. Thankfully there was a construction site with a porta potty up ahead and I hoped to the divine that it was unlocked, it was. Crisis number two averted. Pun intended once again. Considering I was sure there wasn’t actually any food in my system I was perplexed when a short distance later I had to find another big green toilet box. Now I was getting more than frustrated as I was spending more time sitting in a cold plastic container than running. This culminated a total of eight times over the next hour with the seventh happening on the sidewalk of a major Toronto thoroughfare. By the time I got home all I had the emotional and physical capacity for, was laying in my bathtub sobbing. The negative feelings swirling through me were intense and unrelenting. I wanted to die. Not only was I embarrassed, ashamed and physically in pain, I was now doubting this whole thing. How did I think I could travel close to 6000km, train for a marathon and honor this vision and the people I had reached out to for this project? I was terrified and didn’t know what to do or who I could reach out to for help.

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Chapter Four: The Departure

Coming Soon